Mama Tells All

One night a couple weeks back, while my husband was finishing up some dinner prep and I was folding laundry, it hit me like a ton of bricks: We had made it!!

Where exactly did we make it to? Why, to the sweet spot of parenting that I had heard about in rumors…but didn’t actually believe would come true. See, the thing is, while my husband cooked and I folded…all three of our children were AT HOME WITH US. Yet, there we were, two adults, both being productive at different tasks… before bedtime?! I paused in the moment, made sure pigs weren’t flying by, and said to myself, “We made it.” Huge parenting milestone- get out the parental scrapbook!! (Oh wait…I don’t even have scrapbooks for the kids yet…)

For the past 7.5 years, we have been in the midst of controlling chaos; aka raising little humans. Our kids are 7, 5, and 2, so we didn’t have any huge extended breaks between kids where we really got to relax. We would get one kid just to the brink of preschool land, and then along came the next child. Back to sleepless nights. Diapers. Being spit up on. Wondering if we would get a shower that day.

But through the course of those years, as we waded through burp cloths and Nuks and potty training, friends of ours with older kids would say, “Oh just wait, it gets easier when they are older.” I saw these parents keeping their house clean, staying groomed on a regular basis, working out, having hobbies…and I sometimes felt like they were mythical unicorns who must secretly have hidden nannies attending to all of their kids’ needs. I mean, how can people really maintain all of those things AND have kids?

Well, I found out. When I had my epiphany that we had come out the other side of parenting babies and made it, my oldest was out in the yard playing football. My other two were within ear shot in the next room, but out of sight. They were playing a game called “hiding” where they would hide under huge comforters, and squeal with delight when they ripped the blankets off of their heads. My youngest two have such a sweet little relationship; little sister follows around big brother and thinks that everything he does is funny and great. This is wildly helpful for mom and dad too. I figured no one was going to get hurt playing with nice, soft comforters, and they were busy!

So all three of my children were entertained and happy…without me. I can remember way back when my kids were babies, and I felt like ALL I DID was change them, feed them, burp them, and hold them because heaven forbid they should sleep without my physical contact…and repeat. I would daydream about things like doing laundry during the day, or having everything done so that at 8:30 at night I could do something I wanted to do. Now I can do those things!

I am still very new to this stage of parenting, so I am completely in love with it. It is amazing!! But… a tiny little piece of me misses my kids’ need for me. I have had moments where all of the kids were playing their own thing, whether separately or together, and I have wondered “What should I do?” OMG. Really? What kind of question is that?  The answer…all of those things I’ve been fantasizing about for the last 7.5 years. Sitting down. Reading a magazine. Organizing the forever messy kitchen counter. Peeing by myself!! So why am I sometimes sitting down in these moments, looking at old photos of my kids on Facebook, filling MY time with THEM?

The answer to that is simple. I already miss them. Insert stern internal dialogue here: “Geez Mom, get a grip! They still need you. Enjoy your time!” I mean, how is it possible to miss my kids when they are all still running around my house?? This reminds me of the phenomena that I know is true for many parents…nice dinner date out, babysitter is watching the kids…and over our appetizer and drinks, we’re discussing…the kids. Seriously. I adore date nights. Uninterrupted adult conversation, someone is serving me dinner, no one is whining…it’s like pure magic. But somehow those little minions of mine squeeze their way into our conversations and thoughts…even when the whole reason to have a date night was to get away from them for a few hours and remind ourselves that we are adults!!  I double dog dare you to try to have a date night without bringing up your kids once. If you can do that, kudos to you. You must have received some super secret parenting manual that I left behind at the hospital on day one.

So here I sit in the sweet spot of parenting. That article that I read in Parents magazine all those years ago wasn’t lying- there really was a time when things get simpler! I know that someday I will have a house full of teenagers, who think I’m irritating and annoying, and they will probably smell bad and make poor choices. A few years ago, I had kids that couldn’t make any choices for themselves. Or dress themselves. Or feed themselves. So now, dear parents, I get to revel in the middle part of parenting. My kids still need me. That whole dinner and laundry getting done episode I mentioned? Lasted for 10 minutes before we had to break up sibling squabbles. But they don’t need me as much. I am embracing letting them do their own thing, and while it isn’t always easy, I can see how much fun they have making up their own little games and worlds. Independence is a good thing.

This part of parenting is awesome. My kids are becoming their own unique little selves, but each of them will still show me in their own way that I’m needed, whether that is crawling into my lap with a book for a snuggle, or asking me to play a game with them. On the rare occasion that my 7 year old wants to sit in my lap, I thank my lucky stars and hug him a little tighter. I’m going to guess that the next 5-7 years of parenting are going to be something pretty special. Not without their own set of problems, but without the exhausting problems of infanthood or the complexity of big kid problems.

If you are still parenting very tiny humans, have faith; your time in the sweet spot will come. If you are right here with me in the middle of it all, hold on tight; I think we are going to miss these years (maybe the most) of parenting. And for those parents who’ve moved beyond this stage, I hope that you enjoyed it while it lasted.

To my fellow sweet spot parents, cheers! We made it!!

*Side note: For those who have followed my blog before, you may have noticed my rather lengthy absence from the blog. Kids happened. Life happened. Writing didn’t happen. I wrote dozens of blog posts in my head, but they never hit the screen. I’m hoping to change all that now that I’ve made it to days that contain regular sleep, showers, and schedules!

I have been telling myself all summer that I won’t cry when my oldest child goes to kindergarten in a mere eight days. He is so ready for this next adventure. I have no reason to cry, right?

Picture from preschool graduation…

So then I had to wonder why I was feeling emotional as I pushed my cart down the aisle at the grocery store that contains the packaged snacks in little bags that are meant for snacks on the go, or school lunches. The thought of packing his lunch, and sending him out the door to school to fend for himself for eight hours a day, had me feeling weepy over the bags of Teddy Grahams and Cheezits.

I repeat to myself that I know that he is ready to go to kindergarten. Some days, I am more than ready to send him. But then I think of all those things he still needs help with, and I think, “Who is going to tell him to wash his hands before lunch? Cover his mouth when he sneezes??” Duh. His teacher and other adults will. I am a teacher myself. I know this. But still…

This whole list of things has been running through my head of what I need to do to prepare him for the big first day. I want it to be PERFECT. Don’t we all want that for our kids…

When I search Pinterest, I know that I will be inundated with creative ideas for marking this milestone. I want his outfit for the first day of school to be one that will let him feel confident, I want his lunch to be awesome, and basically…I just wish that I could tuck myself into his backpack and tag along the first day. Just to make sure everything goes smoothly.

But I can’t do that. Because here is the thing: at some point, little birds must leave the nest. Kids must one day become students and go to kindergarten. I have always loved the saying, “Two of the greatest gifts that we can give our children are roots and wings.” I hope that we’ve got a solid start on the roots part…because now it’s time to let him spread his wings. (It might help to think of kindergarten as an enclosed bird sanctuary where all birds have tracking devices and trainers. Less scary.)

I hope that his first day of school is perfect, but it may not be. He might get lost in his big new school. Someone might be mean to him. He could be unable to get the bag open that holds his Cheezits at lunch and not know who to ask for help. He could break one of his brand new crayons. (Please don’t let it be green – that’s his favorite color.) I would love it if none of these things happened, but they could.

When I send him off on the bus, I will tell him that his first day is going to be “so awesome!!”, and I will smile a huge smile, wave at him until the bus drives out of sight, and then who knows what I will do. I would like to think that I won’t cry because I know that this is a happy moment.

But there is a chance that I will think of him as he was when he was placed in my arms after 41 weeks of pregnancy, a failed induction, a last minute c-section, and a lot of tears. I will think of him as a two year old with a freshly broken arm welcoming his brother into the world. I will see him as a sweet big brother, placing gentle kisses on his baby sister’s head. I will think of him blowing bubbles, playing soccer, and reading stories. And I might picture a thousand other moments that make me wonder where the last five and a half years have gone.

My soon to be kindergartener when he was a few days old…I blinked, and now he’s five.

So, it’s okay to cry when he steps up into the school bus, especially if he doesn’t look back.

It’s okay moms, if you cry when you send your babies off to kindergarten. You’ve earned that right. You’ve worked hard to get that sweet child of yours to the point that they are at, and while they will return home in a short eight hours, this is still likely the first time that you sent them off into the world without knowing exactly how it would go.

It’s okay if you go back inside after putting your child on the bus and spend the next hour looking at his or her baby photos. Before you know it, you will arranging those photos for school projects…and eventually graduation displays…and wedding slideshows. Today might inspire you to get going on filling out that baby book that you didn’t have time to do yet. (I swear I had good intentions to document his every move and milestone, but I was just soooo tired then while they were happening.)

It’s okay to want your child to come home and say that they missed you soooo much. It’s also okay to be a bit hurt if they had so much fun that they did not miss you one little bit. And I am sure that for many kids, the excitement of kindergarten is more than enough to take their minds off of mom and dad for the day.

So basically, everything will be okay. Whether the first day of kindergarten is completely amazing or a total bust, whether you sob like a baby as you put your child on the bus or you gleefully grin as you think of that day care payment not being made, it will all be okay. This is one of those big shiny milestones that all parents and kids get through one way or the other.
I hope you all tuck a Kleenex and some hope for a good school year into your pocket as you send your babies off. Wishing everyone a fabulous school year!

Today I helped my oldest of three children pack his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack full of crayons, markers, and pencils for his kindergarten Open House that is coming up in a mere week and a half. Earlier today I was going over my youngest of three’s wardrobe, and figuring out what I will pack away in the pink plastic totes I bought because my four month old has already outgrown her three and six month clothes.

Everyone warned me about this; kids grow up. You have a baby boy swaddled in your arms at 3 a.m. and the next thing you know you’re packing his kindergarten things. I thought my daughter’s pregnancy would NEVER END (it was a doozy), but yet it did. My doctor always told me that all pregnancies eventually do end, but I had a hard time believing it with this go around.

Today she discovered that she has feet. One of my very favorite baby milestones.

It is these snapshots in time that are showing me just how much I want to slow down and enjoy what is now. That’s not always easy. Anyone with multiple children of single digit ages knows that the day to day life of a mama at this stage is exhausting. To say the least. Just the other day I thought I would do nothing but deal with poop ALL. DAY. LONG. I wanted the day to end. I think I said the word ‘no’ a gazillion times. And that doesn’t feel like an exaggeration, although I am sure I would tell my sixth grade English students that I could count that as a hyperbole in their writing.

I stumbled upon a very simple way for me to enjoy my kids as they are right now. In all their messy, demanding, glorious little kid-ness. One day I was so fed up with saying “NO!” that I just said “Yes!” (A side note: I still said no to things. I still didn’t allow the boys to pummel each other, jump off the furniture, or eat five packs of fruit snacks. Although saying yes to that last one might have earned me VIP mom status in their eyes.)

“Mom, can you play Uno again?”

“Yes I can.” (Needed to fold laundry and start lunch, but decided that could wait.)

“Mom, will you build us a fort?”

“Yes I can.” (Wanted to empty the dishwasher, but decided that could wait too.)

For a pair of brothers who have heard a whole lot of ‘no’ this summer, they just delighted in hearing a ‘yes’ that I don’t think they were expecting. It also made me a little sad when I saw their surprised faces at some of the ‘yes’ responses that they received. I think ‘no’ had become the norm. It was fun to say yes!

A few more observations about saying ‘yes’…

1. It was way more fun to play Uno and build a fort than do chores.
2. My boys were much better behaved when they got a chance to hear a ‘yes’ amongst the still numerous “NO!”s
3. The hugs I got at the end of this day were a little bit longer and I think they squeezed just a little bit harder. Or maybe that was me holding on a little bit longer and squeezing just a bit harder…

So I sit here, with two weeks left of summer vacation, and I am hoping to get the chance to say a loud, resounding “Yes!” whenever I can. Believe it or not, my dishwasher did still get emptied, the laundry got folded, and we eventually ate lunch. Saying ‘yes’ when I could so easily have said ‘no’ or ‘sorry, not right now’ showed me that yes, right now, is in fact the time to play Uno and build forts. And read “Froggy Goes to Camp” for a third time in a row. And snuggle for just five more minutes before naptime.

One day that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle backpack will be traded in for a trendy backpack. The tubs of clothes will be filled with even bigger sizes. I will hopefully look upon these changes and see all that I enjoyed before the next best thing came along.

Hug them, love them, breathe them in.

Enjoy them as they are now.

Say yes.

Motherhood. A messy, exhausting, all-consuming piece of yourself that seems to take over your entire being. As a current stay at home mom to three wonderful children ages five, three, and three months…I sometimes feel like I have lost “me”. I am “Mommy” right now. From 4:00 in the morning with that first feeding of my daughter, to 9:30 at night when she finally goes to bed, and all the in between of taking care of everyone…there isn’t a lot of time to do things for me. I would love to read a book or watch a mindless sitcom, or heck…just go to the bathroom or eat a sandwich without answering a dozen questions. But my days right now are primarily filled with being a parent.

This is just fine; I chose this. But I still miss being someone other than “Mom” at times. I feel like I have one identity in which to get things right, and that is being a mom. So when I feel as if things are coming unglued: my oldest is crying because I “NEVER” play games with him (I just played three games of Spot It with him), my middle child wants his fifth snack of the day (and it’s 10 a.m.), and my darling daughter is crying because she just had a “poopsplosion”…I want to sit down, and say, “I am doing my best! Can’t the craziness end?? I need something to keep me going!”

It didn’t take me long to realize that motherhood is not really about those moments that you see in commercials or on family channel specials. Yes, those moments do happen, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes the stars align and all my kids listen to me…for at least 15 minutes. Sometimes I make dinner and everyone eats it without whining. (GASP! Did that really just happen?!! We are eating this EXACT meal EVERY night for the rest of our lives!)

But sometimes my oldest is growling at me saying that I am NOT invited to his birthday party, or that I am “not his BFF!!” (I know buddy, I’m your mom)…and I think that I must have done something wrong along the way to have such a sassy kid. My boys can play like best friends one moment, and be slugging each other the next. I think to myself, “How did I lose control? Why don’t they play nicely?” When I get tired, I tend to chalk up all of this to some sort of failure somewhere along the line that I could have controlled. Shouldn’t there have been an article, book, or blog post on this topic that would’ve taught me what to do? If I’m going to do this mom thing, I want to do it RIGHT!

And then along comes one of those shiny Hallmark or Pinterest worthy moments that puts some much needed meaning back into the madness. Yesterday I had a long day home with the kids. Nothing overly crazy went wrong, but there was the general commotion of occasional fighting, not pooping in the toilet, spilling things, the no-naps-coinciding kind of chaos that can leave a mom feeling like she ran a marathon. With three monkeys attached to her the whole way. After dinner, I ran out to an appointment and was gone less than an hour. And let’s be honest: even though I was going to get three allergy shots, the thought of sitting out the obligatory thirty minutes post shots to make sure that I had no reactions sounded SO amazing. Thirty minutes to sit, in peace and quiet. Ahhh. A chance to decompress from a long and crazy day and not be needed by someone else.

When I returned home, there in the driveway was what I needed to get through the next crazy day. My oldest son had written the simple message “I love you Mom” on the driveway in chalk. I asked my husband if he told my son to write this, since I probably left the house with a bit of a crazed look in my eyes from our daily adventures, but he said no, he simply helped with the spelling of the message per my son’s request.

Now only a mom could see something more than just chalk in something like this. But I took a moment and let this sweet message sink in. When I am crabby with the kids, even when we don’t leave the house because I don’t dare try with the current state of emotions in my young kiddos…my son still loves me. Somehow, he can see past the tired, overwhelmed lady to the mom that he loves. He found the good in our day and let it be known on the driveway. When I see his note, I remind myself of all the things that we did do while “surviving” at home. Because sometimes that’s what it feels like in the moment: surviving. But it is so much more than that.

We played games. (A lot of games.) I played a few more rounds of Uno and Kings in the Corner than I wanted to play. We picked blackberries in the backyard on our daily quest to find a tasty snack. I picked them all for my son who didn’t want to get close to the bugs. I hate bugs. Especially the white spider by the “bestest berry right THERE Mom!” My son’s smile was my reward for my near-spider encounter.

I played soccer with one son and catch with the other…at the same time. I read books to them. Made them meals. Trimmed their fingernails. (Now if that isn’t a glamorous mom moment…) And the list goes on. So instead of thinking of all those things that weren’t so great today, when I look at what I did right…well there was actually quite a bit of it. And enough of me being the best mom that I can be, so much so that my son could overlook his numerous timeouts and my resulting frustration, and just love me. Perhaps I filled the day up with enough good to overlook the bad.

Before I ran out the door to my appointment, my son quickly ran to me, grabbed my hand, and plopped a kiss on it. He ran away without saying anything. But between that and his sweet message on the driveway, I was reminded that I am enough for him. And enough for all of my children. Because no matter what our day looks like and how it goes, the one thing they know without a doubt is that their mom loves them.

So the next time you feel crazy and fed up and thinking that things couldn’t get any nuttier, you couldn’t get any more exhausted, or you will never measure up to what mothers are “supposed” to do and be, look for the little things that can keep you going. A message in the driveway. A picture made for you with love. A kiss or a snuggle that is unexpected. These moments will carry you through the rest of the craziness that fills your days. These moments make me glad that I am Mommy, even if it is all the time.

Wishing you a moment or two that keeps you going today!

**My boys at their Halloween party at daycare. I left my camera and asked if they could snap a few pics…yet another awesome thing about my daycare!**

So I will be heading back to work this week after a wonderful summer at home with the boys. Not that it will be easy to go back to work, but it is much easier to go back to work when you love your daycare the way we love ours. We have been with our daycare since my oldest son was nine weeks old, and he is now four and a half.

I have heard all of the nightmare stories from friends about their daycares that didn’t work out for various reasons, and every time I listen to one of them talk about their struggles, I say an internal “Thank you!” to fate for connecting me with our daycare. If you’re in the market to look for a daycare, here are some things I think you should think about. These are some of the reasons that we LOVE our daycare. (Here is where I insert the personalized shout-out to Children’s Connection daycare in North Branch, MN. You guys rock!!)

1. Communication is absolutely essential. If you’re scouting for a daycare, ask how they will let you know what went on during your child’s day. At our daycare, the students have individualized sheets sent home during their first couple years that let’s you know what they ate, when they slept, when they changed their diaper… All of the things that you want to know about your little one’s day. (Well, maybe you didn’t want to know about the three poops. But still…) Each room also has a board where they post the day’s activities. BONUS points if the teachers have little stories for you about your kid that day. I always love getting a taste of what my kids’ days were like. It should also be okay for you to call and check-in on your kid if need be. Ask about their policies.

2. Food is something else to check into when picking a daycare. Do you have to pack your child’s food or do they provide it? Our daycare posts a menu for the month so that I know what my kids ate for the day. This is great for several reasons. One is that I don’t double up on meals if I remember to check the menu. (Lasagna hot dish for lunch? We’ll be skipping the lasagna for dinner.) I also love that my son will eat vegetables at daycare that he doesn’t eat at home. Must be the peer pressure of the other kids eating green things, but I am on board with that kind of peer pressure. Daycare only serves applesauce each day? Keep looking…

3. Special activities will also make a daycare stand out. I’m not saying that every day should be a three-ring circus. Certainly, you don’t want your child to think that every day has to be full of crazy things. But there should be the occasional activity that is different than the normal day-to-day routine. In the summer, our daycare does all sorts of special things…bringing in speakers, field trips for older kids, ice cream, water play days… I love that our daycare does a Christmas program as well, on top of all sorts of other fun activities. You are probably more likely to get these kinds of things from a center than a home, so consider how important these “extras” are to you.

4. Learning, duh! I want my kids to have fun and be well taken care of, but they also need to be learning a thing or two as well! Even babies learn, through singing and reading stories and interactive play. Make sure when you’re considering a daycare that there is a licensed teacher there. Ask to see what the “lesson plans” are for the week. If a provider can’t tell you what the kids will be learning…you may want to keep on searching.

5. Recommendations are also something to consider. Do you know anyone that sends their kids to the daycare? Will the daycare give you references if you are interested? Obviously anyone can toot their own horn and tell you that they will be great for your child, but I think it is worth the effort to ask around and get opinions from people you trust. Before we enrolled our kids at our daycare, I already knew three families that used them…and loved them.

I could go on and on, as there are many things to consider when picking someone to take care of your child, but these are some of the most important things to consider. Also trust your gut. If a daycare looks and sounds great, but it just doesn’t feel right to you…don’t send your kid there. You have to be comfortable with your choice.

If I needed any extra validation that my daycare is awesome, it came to me when I picked up my younger son from daycare one day when he wasn’t feeling good. I barely got a smile out of him when I walked into his room to get him. However, as we made our way out, we passed by a wall that had all of the teachers’ pictures posted on it. My feverish, unhappy son reached out to touch the picture of one of his teachers, said her name, and smiled. This made my heart happy. Even when down and out, my son still loved his teachers.

Good luck to you if you’re searching for a daycare! I hope that these suggestions help you to find the perfect daycare for your child!

*My boys exploring our storm-created “pond” in our front yard this summer…

So I will admit that I am feeling a bit bummed as I write this. It is the last night of my summer vacation. I am a teacher, and while I love my job…I love my summers with my boys even more. And this summer has been one for the record books. Just completely awesome… My summer has been full of tons of fun and adventure with my boys…trips to the zoo and the cabin, endless playtime in our yard, and so many sweet moments that can only happen when our schedule slows down the way it does in the summertime.

The weather matches my mood tonight; it is stormy out, complete with lightning and thunder. The thunder is currently keeping my two year old awake. While I am normally irritated when I am “on call” after bedtime has begun (a mom has to have some time to call her own, and that’s normally after the kids’ bedtime), for tonight I am okay that he needs some extra snuggles.

I’m sure that is because I have the nostalgic feeling that comes at the end of a summer vacation, and looking back on all of the fun that we had…and right now I just want to stop and hold my babies. There will be another summer vacation, and another one after that…but not one just like this one. Not one where my boys are two years old and four and a half (that half is very important to my older son!). Next summer they might not delight in the same things…looking for rocks, catching frogs, eating popsicles in the grass…

My older son learned how to snap his fingers this summer. He has also informed me that next summer he won’t need his training wheels any more. He caught his first fish up at the lake. I know that next summer will bring all sorts of exciting “firsts” for both of my boys, but right now I’m completely wrapped up in reflecting on all of the good things that happened this summer.

I know that as soon as the school year begins and I meet my students, this will help to sweep me up in the momentum of another great school year. I hope that everyone who has school age kids are busy preparing them for another great year of learning! But don’t forget, in the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the next grade and the next great thing, to stop and look at your kids they way they are now. Next summer they will be different people.

As I rocked my youngest son tonight with the thunder booming in the background, I just stared at his sweet little face and tried to fix his image in my mind. This is one of the faces that filled my summer with joy. Soon my days will be filled with middle school students who will bring a whole different realm of things to my life – sometimes joy, sometimes not-so-much-joy. But I will try and remember that sometime, in the past, someone probably rocked those children on a stormy night and thought about how they didn’t want time to keep going. But it does, and there are always new things to look forward to and enjoy.

I would like to wish everyone a great start to the school year! To my teacher friends…I hope that your summers were sweet enough to carry you into the next school year with energy and enthusiasm. To my parent friends…good luck as you send your babies off to school, be it day care, kindergarten, middle school, or high school!

So long summer – until next year!

So I often find myself thinking things like “This only happens to people with kids,” or “Only during this time in my life are THESE kinds of things going to come out of my mouth.” (For example, “We don’t put apple slices in our ears” or “The dog doesn’t want the Ninja Turtle mask on him.”) This list could be hundreds of items long, but for now here are twenty signs that you have young children…

1. After eating a meal with your kids at their little table that is two feet high, with chairs to match…you feel that you might need to call your chiropractor for an adjustment.

2. There is a running dialogue going on in your house at all times about poop. Who pooped, when did they poop, what color was the poop…if it’s about poop, you’ve discussed it.

3. You sometimes eat kid food again. If you’re on the go with the kids and fruit snacks are what’s in the diaper bag, then fruit snacks it is. (And some of you are secretly happy to be reacquainting yourself with these fruity gems.)

4. You will NEVER be done cleaning or doing laundry. EVER.

5. Your child has asked during a morning cartoon, “Mommy, why is it still dark out?” That, my dear child, is because it is way too early to be awake. That’s why we’re watching the morning cartoon in the first place.

6. You text other parents when diapers are on sale. Diaper sales are a big deal.

7. You have friends (normally kidless) that can’t stand to talk to you on the phone because they don’t realize that you can talk to them and your kids at the same time. You have other friends that are telling their kids what to do while you’re telling yours what to do, and you still manage to have a fulfilling conversation. A mama’s gotta multitask.

8. You know the scene in “The Pacifier” when Vin Diesel has to sing that crazy song to hop through the maze so that he doesn’t die from a booby trap? That’s what it takes to get through your living room some days when you haven’t had a chance to pick up.

9. You have been addressed before not by your name, but as the maternal caregiver of your kid. “Hey, it’s Parker’s mom.” This makes you feel proud and very, very old at the same time.

10. Even if you picked up before company came over, your kids will proudly take out and play with EVERY SINGLE TOY that they own so that they can show off their goods. You wonder why you cleaned in the first place.

11. If you get to sleep past 7 a.m., that’s sleeping in. If you have wanted to go to bed by 7 p.m., that’s also normal.

12. You sometimes try to use your Kindle/IPad/phone behind a pillow or some other object that blocks its view from your kids so that you’re not battling with them for control of your own device.

13. Sometimes you have two choices. You can either go grocery shopping or go to Target by yourself…or you can sign yourself up for therapy for shopping distress syndrome. Going shopping without the kids is like a mini vacation.

14. If you have a dog, he knows when to hide from the kids. He also knows when to come out and sit under their chairs in order to catch a special “these-kids-are-so-clumsy-I’m-going-to-get-a-great-snack” treat. I may or may not have had to pick out dried rice, Cheerios, and corn from my dog’s fur. Sorry pup.

15. Holidays are still cheerful, but they are also extremely exhausting. I have a new appreciation for my parents after seeing all that it takes to make a holiday special for kids.

16. When you take your kids to church, some of your prayers revolve around just hoping that you can make it through the service without anyone melting down or saying something inappropriate too loudly.

17. You have more meaningful conversation with your spouse in one dinner date than you have had the chance to have all month.

18. One stall in your three stall garage is devoted not to a car, but to kid paraphernalia: wagons, bikes, strollers, sidewalk chalk, squirt guns, bubbles, etc.

19. You know the Frozen soundtrack by heart.

20. You sometimes go hide to eat chocolate after just telling your kids that their afternoon snack has to be fruit. Hey, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do.

Feel free to add your own to the list in the comments section!

I sometimes have a love/hate relationship with parenting. That might sound bad… (*gasp*…What mother could hate anything about parenting??) …so humor me as I explain…

I think parenting is the greatest job in the world, but I’m also going to state that I think it’s the most difficult. My day job is teaching reading and English to sixth graders. There are days at home with my two boys that FAR exceed in difficulty even the most stressful middle school day. I wouldn’t trade being a parent for anything…but it doesn’t mean that I sometimes don’t want to hide in my room with a glass of wine and pretend that no one needs me for five minutes. When this first example listed below happened, the “love” part of it made me laugh out loud. It made me think about how I can almost always find something to love about the little things that drive me crazy.

Here is what I mean when I say I have a love/hate relationship with parenting…

• I hate when I’m planning on accomplishing things while the boys nap and one of them decides that he just doesn’t need a nap today.

• I love when it’s because my toddler is practicing his personalized rendition of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” over and over and over in his crib. (The volume increasing every five minutes or so, until 30 minutes later when I decide that the nap is a lost cause as his singing reached a happy fortissimo…)

• I hate waking up in the middle of the night to a crying child. I am a woman that places a high value on my sleep!

• I love that my simple presence in the middle of the night and my arms around my child can have the calming effect that my child needs to drift back off to dreamland.

• I hate when I tell my child the same direction over and over, feeling like he will never listen to me and that I must somehow be the worst mom on earth with the naughtiest child ever.

• I love when the broken record effect finally works and my son actually does what he’s supposed to without me telling him – YEAH!! Even my youngest has finally started to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ without being prompted. Not bad for someone who is two!

• I hate when my older son starts “parenting” my younger son by repeating everything that comes out of my mouth thirty seconds after I say it.

• I love that he is actually hearing what I say…maybe he will start to listen to some of it himself?

• I hate when I’m supposed to be serious and say that something is wrong or not appropriate, and all I want to do is laugh at the boys’ antics. In the picture above, my son had just figured out that he could climb on top of this table. The look on his face made me want to bust out laughing, but I tried to say seriously “We don’t climb on top of tables.” Oh, the things that come out of my mouth these days…

• I love that they make me want to laugh. I want my boys to have a sense of humor and adventurous personalities!

So I have come to the conclusion that I can find something to love about almost every aspect of parenting. Doesn’t mean that I don’t hate parts of it, or that parts don’t drive me crazy, but I can put a positive spin on it. Parenting is yet another example of the cliché quote “It’s all about attitude.” If you can’t laugh at yourself as a parent and put a positive spin on things, you might find yourself more frustrated than you need to be.

I hope that you are able to find something to love the next time you get annoyed with something you “hate”…turns out there may be a silver lining to that problem after all!

(If you look closely, our froggy friend is perched on my son’s thumb! Surprise find during our Super Soaker fight!)

I will be the first to admit that my children have WAY TOO MANY things. (Except for books. We have loads of them, but there is no such thing as having too many books.) But we have too much of everything else. Too many toys, movies, games, etc… Most of these things were gifted to us by well-meaning friends and family, and our boys did of course love getting all of these things. I would guess that we have at least thirty toys that either light up or sing or both!

There are a few problems with this. One, my living room always looks like Toys R’ Us threw up in it. No matter how much I try to keep things organized, inevitably we have a few crazy days in a row and I can’t keep up. Then it becomes a game where you should win a prize if you don’t step on a Lego as you cross the floor. Bonus prize if you step on a  Lego and manage not to swear in front of the kids.

Two, I’m not sure that my kids always appreciate what they have. I do my best to teach them about being grateful, and I realize that as they get older there will be more and better opportunities for helping them to understand just how lucky they are that they have what they have. But still…when kids have an abundance of toys, many get forgotten about and neglected. Which means that there were too many to begin with…and that I should also get planning a donation to the local thrift store.

And third, the problem that I have realized the most this summer, is that sometimes we forget (adults and kids alike) that fun can be had with NOTHING! Or with something simple. My boys have done a great job this summer of reminding me that we can have fun with simple things.

I cannot even begin to count how many hours I’ve spent this summer doing this small list of things: blowing bubbles, riding bikes, playing with sticks and rocks, and catching frogs. I think if I had packed up most of my boys’ toys for the summer, but left out their bikes and some bubbles…we would have been set. I have blown bubbles until I was literally dizzy from blowing too much. (This means I’m old…ouch. A cheap bubble machine from Target fixed this problem. No more light-headed mama.)

Playing with frogs has been really fun too. And it didn’t cost us a penny. It has unfortunately cost the world a few frogs. My son is four, and we have had several conversations about being gentle with frogs because they are living things too just like us. Sometimes though, when the frog is not moving anymore, and my son proclaims that the frog is “just resting” (with Jesus, as it turns out…RIP Mr. Frog), we have to have an impromptu frog funeral. But my son has learned a lot about being gentle with creatures and then returning them to nature. Most of our frogs now go back to the wild a bit dazed from playing with a four year old, but alive and well.

So between bubbles and frogs and sticks, it has been nice to get “back to the basics.” I hope that my boys will always understand that joy can be found in the simplest of pleasures. I know we’ll never return to the good ol’ days when our parents had to yell for us to come home instead of texting us, but it doesn’t mean that parents can’t teach their kids about enjoying simple things. Not everything that is fun needs a battery, a plug-in, or a remote.

Here is to simplicity and summer. If you have a great activity that you do with your child that doesn’t require much and costs less than $5 (or is better yet free!), please post it in the comments section! I’d love to put together a list to share of all the great things that we can do to simplify fun and make great family memories!

So I am at the library today, and my kids are playing on the library’s computers. I am sitting next to my younger son, and my older son is at another computer down the table from me. In between us is a mom and her son. The mom is very busy on her phone, and she is not paying attention to her child AT ALL.

Her son goes from playing his magnetic puzzle nicely to poking my son in the face with the magnetic pen!! I wait a second for the mom to say something to her son, but she is so involved in her phone that she doesn’t even see this happen. I nicely say, “Please stop poking him.”

The mom now lifts her head up and says “He’s poking him?” She thinks that I am talking to my son, and that her son is getting poked. I calmly say (even though I want to scream and pull her hair all while berating her for not stopping her son from being mean) “No, your son was poking mine.”

Her response: “Oh.” And without saying anything else, she leads her son to a different puzzle at another table…and then turns back to her phone. (No apology from her or her son. Guess they both missed that life lesson about apologizing when you do something wrong.)

There is a whole lot of WRONG with this scenario. I hate having to say something to someone else’s child who is misbehaving, but even more so when the parent is right there. I am a middle school teacher, so I have to deal with plenty of misbehavior while I’m working. I don’t want to deal with it when I’m not at work too!

Another thing that I hate is wondering how that parent is going to react when I say something. This mom essentially did nothing…sometimes when I’ve said something, the other parent gives me a nasty look or makes a comment.

This mom’s son also learned that he could do what he wanted because his mom was otherwise engaged, and that there was no consequence to him being mean to another child. Perhaps if his mom had actually watched the situation play out, she would have done something to stop it. Or at the very least made him apologize for his actions.

But guess what? If you’re not going to get off your phone and be a parent, someone else will have to do it for you! I think that this is a growing problem in today’s society. Too many parents think, “Where can I take my child so that they are occupied…and where can I sit on my phone/laptop/Kindle/device with few distractions?” I have watched parents not even bother to look up at their children in a variety of places…the library, the park, indoor playgrounds, the movie theater…you name a place, and you will find parents blissfully ignorant of what their children are doing while they are nose-deep in their technology.

While today I am mostly irritated with these tech-obsessed parents because of my library run-in, there are also days that I feel sad for them. Sad for what they are missing while they are checking Facebook. Sad for what they didn’t see their child accomplish on the playground. Sad that while they were texting their friend, their child had a moment to be proud of…but no one saw it, because no one was watching.

I was at the park one day with my boys, and another little boy kind of played near us. He was clearly desperate for some sort of interaction and didn’t want to play by himself. His dad was sitting in a swing, busy with his phone the entire time they were at the park. At one point, the little boy climbed up to the top of a piece of playground equipment, and said “Dad, look at me!” His dad’s first response was “Just a minute.”

I watched the little boy wait there at the top, and again he shouted “Dad, look!” Without looking up from his phone, he said “Nice job buddy!” But that little boy was watching his dad NOT watch him, and seeing his face fall and the smile disappear from his face was enough to make me think this: I don’t ever want to miss the special moments in my children’s lives because I’m too busy doing less important things, like updating my Facebook status.

I’m definitely not a perfect role model for not ever being on my phone. But when it’s important, my phone is down and my kids are the focus of my attention. I read an amazing book called “Hands Free Mama” by Rachel Macy Stafford that is all about letting go of distractions to “grasp what really matters.” I would highly recommend it if you sometimes feel sucked in by the day-to-day rush of things in a way that keeps you from fully participating in your own life. She talks about not giving up technology, but limiting its use. There is a time and a place for everything. Make sure that you realize that the next time you pick up your phone.

So I would say to all parents: make sure that you are a PRESENCE in your child’s life, not just merely present. You are not really doing your child any good at his baseball game if you are checking out Pinterest rather than cheering his team on. You aren’t really present at your daughter’s tea party if you’re scrolling through Facebook while she serves you cookies.

Decide what matters most to you, and then put your attention there. Your child will thank you for it someday. And you will probably thank yourself, because you won’t have missed your child’s life behind the glow of a screen.

*I challenge you to spend at least three evenings (dinner until bedtime) in a row with your kid/s and have all of your devices put away. I have done this, and it’s amazing what you will discover about your kids and/or your reliance on electronics/social media. If you try this, let me know what you discover in the comments section!