So I often find myself thinking things like “This only happens to people with kids,” or “Only during this time in my life are THESE kinds of things going to come out of my mouth.” (For example, “We don’t put apple slices in our ears” or “The dog doesn’t want the Ninja Turtle mask on him.”) This list could be hundreds of items long, but for now here are twenty signs that you have young children…
1. After eating a meal with your kids at their little table that is two feet high, with chairs to match…you feel that you might need to call your chiropractor for an adjustment.
2. There is a running dialogue going on in your house at all times about poop. Who pooped, when did they poop, what color was the poop…if it’s about poop, you’ve discussed it.
3. You sometimes eat kid food again. If you’re on the go with the kids and fruit snacks are what’s in the diaper bag, then fruit snacks it is. (And some of you are secretly happy to be reacquainting yourself with these fruity gems.)
4. You will NEVER be done cleaning or doing laundry. EVER.
5. Your child has asked during a morning cartoon, “Mommy, why is it still dark out?” That, my dear child, is because it is way too early to be awake. That’s why we’re watching the morning cartoon in the first place.
6. You text other parents when diapers are on sale. Diaper sales are a big deal.
7. You have friends (normally kidless) that can’t stand to talk to you on the phone because they don’t realize that you can talk to them and your kids at the same time. You have other friends that are telling their kids what to do while you’re telling yours what to do, and you still manage to have a fulfilling conversation. A mama’s gotta multitask.
8. You know the scene in “The Pacifier” when Vin Diesel has to sing that crazy song to hop through the maze so that he doesn’t die from a booby trap? That’s what it takes to get through your living room some days when you haven’t had a chance to pick up.
9. You have been addressed before not by your name, but as the maternal caregiver of your kid. “Hey, it’s Parker’s mom.” This makes you feel proud and very, very old at the same time.
10. Even if you picked up before company came over, your kids will proudly take out and play with EVERY SINGLE TOY that they own so that they can show off their goods. You wonder why you cleaned in the first place.
11. If you get to sleep past 7 a.m., that’s sleeping in. If you have wanted to go to bed by 7 p.m., that’s also normal.
12. You sometimes try to use your Kindle/IPad/phone behind a pillow or some other object that blocks its view from your kids so that you’re not battling with them for control of your own device.
13. Sometimes you have two choices. You can either go grocery shopping or go to Target by yourself…or you can sign yourself up for therapy for shopping distress syndrome. Going shopping without the kids is like a mini vacation.
14. If you have a dog, he knows when to hide from the kids. He also knows when to come out and sit under their chairs in order to catch a special “these-kids-are-so-clumsy-I’m-going-to-get-a-great-snack” treat. I may or may not have had to pick out dried rice, Cheerios, and corn from my dog’s fur. Sorry pup.
15. Holidays are still cheerful, but they are also extremely exhausting. I have a new appreciation for my parents after seeing all that it takes to make a holiday special for kids.
16. When you take your kids to church, some of your prayers revolve around just hoping that you can make it through the service without anyone melting down or saying something inappropriate too loudly.
17. You have more meaningful conversation with your spouse in one dinner date than you have had the chance to have all month.
18. One stall in your three stall garage is devoted not to a car, but to kid paraphernalia: wagons, bikes, strollers, sidewalk chalk, squirt guns, bubbles, etc.
19. You know the Frozen soundtrack by heart.
20. You sometimes go hide to eat chocolate after just telling your kids that their afternoon snack has to be fruit. Hey, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do.
Feel free to add your own to the list in the comments section!
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